Stay

A plain fact of human relationships is this:
People come and people go

Not necessarily from death.
Sometimes simple circumstance
can take a person right out of your hands,
never to be seen again.
That’s sad. But that’s life.

But I can be the one who is there to stay.
You can be the one who is there to stay too.
Destiny permits us to play the game of chances together.
So why not?

Try-Catch

Found this try-catch statement in white paper on "Framework for Secure Application Design and Development":

try
{
do_something_unspeakably_cool();
do_something_potentially_bad();
do_something_weird_that_might_have_enexpected_results();
...
}
catch( char * str )
{
cout << "Exception raised: " <<
str << '\n';
}

Explore life!

Best Days

Happy married life to Noran and Wafa! I'm soooo happy coz I know that both of you have been looking forward to THE day for quite a while, and I have to say that it couldn’t have been more beautiful. I know that you have a lot of great plans for the future and I can’t wait to sit back and watch them unfold for you. Congratulations!

And as for me myself, I'm going to blow out candles on another birthday cake this coming Oct 23rd. Yeah, 26, I'm old enough to look back and laugh at my mistakes, young enough to look at the future. Sometimes I think, it's just a simple thing, a tiny life. I was put here to live and love.

I hope my best days are ahead of me, always =)

Power of Time and Karma

My friend from LA, Eric, wrote to me (23rd June 12:20am):
..."If you can overcome the bitter thoughts and truly forgive it will be a positive growth and good Karma experience for you. You will also be released from the negative feelings because you know you didn’t do anything wrong. That would be a good place to live. Now after your forgiveness if he does this again then you can cut the rope knowing you did all you could do. Being disrespected is not acceptable."...

Karma works its magic on her, she looks cheap and fat now (and I hope for all the years of her life). Have I just wished bad Karma for someone else? No! I should not do that. It is up to the other person to control their lives, and to do so in a way that does not hurt others.

I guess I'm still keeping some bitterness. I'm trying, I'm trying...
Allah, purify my heart..

Iftar in Ramadhan

I always look forward celebrating iftar. I have been fortunate (in a sense) to spend the early days of Ramadhan iftar with family and few close friends. Today, part of Wengurls had their iftar together at Spring Garden KLCC. I can imagine they had a great time :D! Sebbek dpt bebuka with Noran + Aleen + Sha last week, kalo x sure aku jeles meles ngn gathering korg nih.

I'm getting used to have my iftar alone too. It's not as bad as it looks. Just food and me alone in front of the tv haha.

This Ramadhan has been distinctly different - can't really explain it in words, but I feel it. I try to purify myself through self-restraint and good deeds. Slowly. To try and keep on trying.

Have a blessed Ramadhan all!

Times Like These

They will always try to annoy me on the phone.
But the fact that they make the effort for the occasional international long distance call is somehow sweet.
Yeahh I miss you guys..Balik la Malaysia oii korang!

P/S - It's 14 years since we left primary school

...And I Love You

You now have a tantrum-throwing girlfriend. I have my reasons.
That night when I cursed and cried,
to my surprise, you didn't walk away.
Instead, you stayed with promises.
We, you and me,
will stay together to keep pushing through the hard times.
That's when I see you've become a better man.

I'm on my way to believing.
Don't let this be nothing more than a maze of lies.
You love me now, will you still love me for the rest of my life?

Every single day I think about how we came all this way.
Um...And I love you...
Just stay.

I am (20-Something) Woman, Hear Me Roar

There is a silent code of conduct, a taboo shared between the majority of women who regarded themselves to have morals and self respect. The taboo that I am referring to, of course, is that a married or otherwise attached male, is off limits. A "NO GO" sign, no matter how enticing or appealing he may appear to be.

Don't be too stupid, too thoughtless, too selfish and too ignorant to keep this golden vow alive amongst us women, you will create your own karma, and I do believe that if you are a poor judge of your own charater, you are ugly on the inside - which can truly be seen on the outside and vice versa. Gain respect. Show respect. Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.

And yes, everyone makes mistakes, and that includes me, you, and the rest of the people on this planet. The kind of mistakes you make define you. If I’m right; I’ll continue the right way and never change it no matter what are the circumstances and pressure. And If I’m wrong; I’ll go back to correct my mistake and never repeat the same.

Albert Einstein once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Well, she did it again. This is why I hate Fasha Sandha (and few others) so fucking much. Nak nak pulak baru2 ni dia buat kecoh lagi. Eughh so very the sundal. Oh dan jantan (not lelaki) itu pule si keji Rizal Ashram Ramli. It takes two to tango.

Gym Buddies

I followed Ken and Jeff to the gym last Saturday. Now the two of them are into diet, fitness, bodybuilding, weight loss, health, supplements, vitamins bla bla bla... Their plan for July is to go to the gym regularly and my plan is to join them once a week, during the weekend to be exact. Ye, saye pemalas bab exercise tapi sebok nak semangat sihat jugak mcm diorg.

I hope I will sustain the same spirit - I tend to quickly lose interest in exercise regimen. Ken is serious on this. He takes dietary GNC supplement. Hmm in my opinion, just about everything in GNC is overpriced. I only take multivitamin, currently yg free punye plak tu. It's pretty much the only thing I will ever take to stay healthy (for now).

From a competitive standpoint, having someone next to you at the gym will make you exercise better, harder, and longer. Mari kite tgk sape yg katang, yeahh! Poyo je nih, memang dok arr (cakak ganu blajo nge set2 mu), because I know he'll always win over me in sports. As for me, I should just win his heart and keep it always like that. Wuu wuu.

We will officially be gym buddies on 2nd of July.

Born to Organize

Yayy! It is so cool when you can colour-coordinate your things. I can't explain the sheer delight from seeing all my decorative pillows in order, nestled cozily by the floor lamp. It's the little things right? Those little details and the discovery of a great "find" that makes me feel good.

I loooove to organize. I just feel that everything has "a home" and I just love to keep my space "together". As if things can "talk" to each other. When things can talk, what do they say? (I feel like I just disclosed something about myself that could be used as justification to admit me to a psych ward)

I had a comfy night. Stay cozy people...Smooches!

Chub Chub

When we get comfortable in relationship, we tend to establish new habits together that aren't always the best for our weight and pocket. Eating can be an expensive habit. And if you're anything like me, then food probably consumes a significant portion of your monthly budget.

I believe couples and friends bond over food, and enjoying it becomes a special ritual in these relationships. For couples, food is very sensual, especially when you take turns tasting it. And it's tough to stick to petite portions when your dining companion downs 500 to 1,500 more calories a day than you do. It's hard to recognize a normal-size serving anymore because I'm always eating with a guy who consumes huge platefuls of food. I don't work out, so the only fix that works for me is to serve myself less - try to eat about 1/3 of what other is eating.

Do you get moody if you don't eat? Well, I do.
Don't make me eat you.

Mind Maestro

You can make up pictures and stories in your mind...
With a picture in mind and story to tell, break it into bite-sized pieces - this will keep you from being overwhelmed. People often say that you are better off doing one small thing every day than waiting for a big block of time to get many things completed.

So, one at a time - or all in one go?
We live in a crazy-quilt world. Learning to love contradiction is no small thing. I don’t write a lot for this, just enough to add some color. No one can tell you exactly how to survive in all its contradiction and complexity.

Sunday Nite Snapshots

Can I have French Toast for dinner?
Yes, I can! I serve "breakfast at any time".

Can I lay like this all night?
Oh yeah, home is the perfect liberty
to think, feel, do just as I please.

Can tomorrow NOT be Monday?
Hear my long sigh goodnight...
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
It's not even Monday morning yet. Can't wait for next weekend.

Age + $$$ Continuum

I think I’m sooo dead. I’m spending so much already!
Many items purchased fall into this category - I don't really need it, I don't really want it, but, dang it, no one is going to tell me that I can't have it.

Shiny shiny. After splashing out on the Full HD LCD TV last week, I feel content to just sit on the (new) sofa. One night, while lazing on the sofa, somewhat plagued by guilt of over-indulgence, I undressed my mind and asked myself "Where do I go from here?" Financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally... the all-important -ly I can think of...

Most of you will answer with your great ideas, maybe with a bright colorful picture perfect future you already planned out. Yeah I had that feeling once, for quite some time. I used to be so young, just setting out on life's adventure, with soaring dreams. I made a bunch of stupid decisions along the way, but was smart enough to make a few right ones. Let's shake that mental image. Now I see myself midstream and somewhat settled down. Looking at my life, honestly I don't know what my future holds. There are so many different variables floating around us every day.

Our life today is a reflection of what we thought and believed yesterday, but it was a rather rude awakening that taught me the fact that the past doesn't have to last when we choose to look through a new and improved view. Of all the things to remember, in general, I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of LOVE. Love of beautiful things, love of family, love of friends, love of my life, love of God. For the time I've taken, the money I've spent, I pray, is not wasted.

Financially, remaining debt-free is a vow. Thank God, I don't have a credit card. It's an obvious trap for a person like me. Next month, discipline! Time to super-size my savings...err percayalah haha

Here We Go Go Go Again

And again (And again)...
Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be

Goddamn Bitch I Can Be

How was your weekend? Amazingly enough, I don't give a shit.
Angry when I cancelled on you? Oh..I ruined 'our' weekend plans? Oh-oh did I?
Damn, I feel bad (Fuck no!). Well, you deserved it.

I hope you learn in your self-hating guilt, I wish you well.

Another time another place I'll say it to your face:
"Well, screw you!"
Nak pedas, sila tambah - "..you prick!"

I'm trying to re-define what people think of as a prick in one sentence. A prick is an all around fucktard, dickweed, assrat bastard, that can easily be mistaken for a boner-biting dick-fart fuckface.

This is rude eh. Oops..
Dude, where's your gf?

There's nothing wrong with being me.
There's nothing cheap about loyalty.

Go fuck yourself.

(I'm officially a graduate with a PhD in Bitchinism)

February Wow

I try to be amused.
Wow is the word. Wow is for the February drama.
Friends and family gathers, hearts break, and hope blossoms.

Such a long walk in the dark...
I walked a thousand miles to find one river of peace.
I walked a million more to find what this shit means.
So why you gotta be so fucking mean to me?

Stop.

I'm fixing myself. Upgrading me.
I see a crowd of faceless strangers moving on.
On the beach under the stars, I am the barefoot girl, dancing alone, dressed in sheer cotton.

Smile.

March is for new beginnings.
I am walking...
Let's just see how far I can go, let's just see how far it is.

January Door to 2010

How is your January going so far? So far so good for me, only a little boring today, that's why I hop on quickly here to update few things.

Early this month, Diha + Fiena + me went for a trip to Miri and Brunei. Zura is working in Miri, so she's the one that provided us gracious hospitality. Zura, thank you for welcoming us into your big room. Miri was fun, mmg A+, x sangka akan party2 bagai nak rak kat sana hehe. Food also nice especially nasi lalapan @ Restoran Muara. On the other hand, I found Brunei boring, seriously rasa mcm xnak pegi lagi haha. Ape2 pon, it's nice to think that I've actually been to the place and seen it for myself and no doubt, it was wonderful spending time together with the girls. Moh la kte travel2 lg kwn2, travel broadens the mind, doesn't it?

I'm moving into new house. The movers are scheduled for next week. Just started packing my 2nd box. I was quite amazed at how much stuff I have now. Hate to throw anything away because who knows if I need this or that again. 2010 marked my 4th year in Kuantan and this new house is going to be my 4th Kuantan house. House moving seems like something I make a habit of each year huh? Summing-up, all of the houses are in totally different area, different neighbourhood, therefore different feel. However, rent is getting higher and it's getting far from office (but getting closer to town jeng3) ish ish ish ape nak jadi ni? jadi silent rebel kot~

On another note, I crave for new hairstyle and I'm getting it soon (appointment @2pm)! I love my long hair, but as time went on, I got really tired of it. I'm interested in getting a shorter haircut but not too drastic. I’ll grow it back again, so no worries.

Have a terrific year! Let the good times roll, bring it on, bring it on. Oh, a little peace on Earth might help...just sayin'